Today was one of those days that made me wonder what I have been doing with the last five years of my life. Specifically, I wonder what happened to my brain. Back in the day I could memorize words and remember them for more than three days. I could read something and fully comprehend and synthesize it with other information. Not any more, it seems. I have been studying the belief in vengeful spirits in premodern Japan for a little over two years now. And yet, when the topic came up in class today and no one knew anything about it, I could barely state the basics coherently. Is it because I haven't learned anything? No, I think not. I believe it is because I have lost the ability to retain information. The words I read in Japanese make sense as I read them, but I can in no way repeat those words to a curious audience. I can't even tell you the word for "political victim," which is probably the most important concept in this research.
And so, today I fully embarrassed myself and exposed the truth about my learning ablilities. That is, I have none. That I am decently good at pretending I am smart is evident in my receipt of the Fulbright, but I couldn't fool the graduate school admissions offices or people who know what they're talking about. From now on I will probably just be that foreign girl who sits in class pretending like she understands what's going on.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I just randomly ran across your blog when checking out where people who visited mine came from.
I have no doubt you are a friggin' genius. I don't wanna hear anymore of this self disparaging crap outta you ever again, ya dig?
Honestly, I think you are probably pretty damn smart, even though your blog could use some paragraph breaks.
Hope you're having more fun in Japan now!
Post a Comment