No Strings Attached

I am always wary when people say things like, "Come visit anytime" or "You can stay with me however long you need to" or "You can have this expensive appliance, I don't need it." I always question the sincerity of the offer. Especially in Japan where people seem so nice, but there are these underlying rules of politeness that, as a foreigner, I just don't understand.

For example, when I left Japan last time several people offered their houses as temporary stops whenever I would come back. People I had known for a long time, people I had only met once, and one woman who started talking to me at a bookstore. It was hard to know who I could I take up on the offer without being meiwaku, a nuisance. For some of the people who offered it was apparently rude to not accept, as I found out later when they asked exasperatedly why I didn't stay with them.

I also have problems when accepting things, whether appliances, help, or lessons. I was particlarly reminded of this this weekend. On Sunday a woman who I used to tutor in English dropped by with a TV for me. And later that afternoon another woman I tutor gave me a small table. On one hand, this makes me very happy because now my room is completely furnished. On the other hand, I am wondering about the obligation these gifts create. The woman who gave me the TV assured me that there was no hidden intention; "no religion" she says. This made me laugh because of a past experience I had with someone expecting conversion in return for a gift. Maybe that's why I'm always wary. But really, I just want to be sure to keep all of the Japanese obligatory customs for gift giving. This looks to be very difficult. I guess the best thing to do is to say thank you, try not to break the gift, and keep my eyes open for a chance to repay the kindness.